I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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