I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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