he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Enjoy the penises
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
