There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
