youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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