i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
