he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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