I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
