Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
