i dont even know how to be here
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize