i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
