do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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