3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
