Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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