I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
