4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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