if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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