just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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