Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
