god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I need a burrito and a hug.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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