Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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