I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
