If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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