Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
