is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
