Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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