You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
