Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
