you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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