you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
