The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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