is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Found the puke drawer
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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