I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize