I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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