Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
