Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
