Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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