I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize