he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
