Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
