Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
