She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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