apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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