Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
