This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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