Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
