Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
