porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
