just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
