Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize