i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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