i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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