your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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