hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
