Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
