Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize