U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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