Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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