just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
