Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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