I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
