i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Randomize