I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
