I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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