i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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