the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
