Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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