Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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