i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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