well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
