It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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