I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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