Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
