3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
